Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
