2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
