It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
