The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
