last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
