I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
