it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
