just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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