new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
