Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
