I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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