haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
