just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
