never play flip cup with pint glasses
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't turn off my feet"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
