is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
