For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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