It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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