are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
