This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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