Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
