So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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