you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
