i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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