i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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