my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i can't believe i had my finger in that
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
