I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
