Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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