At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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