We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize