fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
