ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
