Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
