I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
