I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
bring money and cleavage
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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