I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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