It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
