hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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