I'm really into asian looking animals
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
