there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
