R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize