he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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