My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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