Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
