I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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