dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
