Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
