I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
