i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
