I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
