What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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