we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
