You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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