Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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