This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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