at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
