dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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