Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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