sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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