dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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