I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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