honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize