Your mouth is God's brothel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
