Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
