It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
