This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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