All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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