What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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