My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
