im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
